Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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