i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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