Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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