chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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