please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
