It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Randomize
