I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
