i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
