To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
