Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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