Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
