I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
