Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
