genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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