What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I could fuck to npr.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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