so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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