Yo dont text me then not text me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
