He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
