I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
