Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
