Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
