i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
