let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
