I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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