You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
