Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
