I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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