so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
