Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
