So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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