I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
