Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you win again, gameday.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize