I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i drank out of a bidet.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
