Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
