i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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