batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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