im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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