I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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