well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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