Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
