Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
