New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
