Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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