Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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