Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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