Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
