you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize