Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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