Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
