I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
