are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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