I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
