The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
