Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
