I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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