and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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