Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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