Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
