I could make wine with my vomit
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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