i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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