i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
