My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
