I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
