I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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