Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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