Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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