i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
