we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
