So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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