Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
