We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
