he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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