You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
