So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
