ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
