no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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