you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
