The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
