that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
