I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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