So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
