Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
