I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am midnight drunk by noon
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
