u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
