My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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