You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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