no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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