I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just pee around me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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