Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
