Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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