You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize