You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
