nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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