I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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