Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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