I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
