So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize