All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
