$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize