I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
