dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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