Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
