I hate your face
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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