yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
