chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
